Mancation

Shortly after I first arrived in Georgia I had to take off for Texas to go to a wedding. At the same time I left for Texas, Jason (my boss and friend) left for a “mancation.” It was a great concept. He went out to California, worked at The Ranch guiding white water rafts, and then he came back to civilization about a week later.

Ever since Jason took a mancation I had wanted to take one of my own. Well, for some reason the last month had been kind of a funk for me, and I can’t really explain it, but I really needed to take a vacation… or better yet, a mancation!

One of my good friends from Texas Tech lives in Colorado Springs and we had been talking about me coming to hang out for over a year now, so what better time to hit the mountains than ski season?

I really didn’t know how all of it would pull together, especially since I was broke and even had to ask my mom to wait a week before cashing a check that I had written her; but through some great people everything came together. Paul Robbins approved my vacation time, Anna Agee helped me get a flight through using some of her buddy passes with AirTran, Mrs. Ann unexpectedly gave me some spending cash, then Megan McLane provided an awesome couch to sleep on and used two of her buddy passes to reduce the cost of the ski lift tickets.

If it were not for all of these people then I would not have been able to pull off my first mancation. I am so thankful for each of them, and they probably have no idea how much it all meant to me.

Back to the funk... I was in desperate need for some spiritual refreshing, and the Colorado Rockies, in part, provided just what I needed. God has always had a way with my soul through the mountains, whether it is the Appalachians or the Rockies, there is something about the mountains that always seems to help me walk a little bit more in step with God. However, as awesome as the mountains were, they were not the main source of the spiritual refreshing God gave me.

What was it that brought me back? What revived my heart? What was it that brought joy to my spirit and soul? I believe God brought this to me through a genuine friendship.

God never intended us to walk through this life alone. I know there has often been the desire in my heart to retreat from this world and go live in the wilderness away from all the junk that life has to offer, but weekends like this bring me back to a greater knowledge of why God desires us to live in community with one another... why God doesn't want us to live out in the woods by ourselves.

Granted, money did provide the means to my mancation, but money did not provide the happiness.

The few days I spent in Colorado were filled with great community. Looking through pictures and using a thousand words to explain each one; covering miles of mountain roads while listening to great music; exchanging stories of lives lived thousands of miles apart; reminiscing on stories of old that brought back great memories; constantly fighting tiredness to squeeze the most out of every waking minute; taking picture after picture for future enjoyment; carving through the fresh powder of a recent snow and bombing mountains at intensely unsafe speeds; and all the while enjoying the company of a great friend while beginning a friendship with someone totally new. It was through these precious moments that God restored happiness to my soul.

Christ came that we might live life to the full, and one aspect he modeled this for us was through living life in true community. When we walk in step with how Christ modeled for us how to live then we walk closer to our maker. And when we are walking close to our maker there is a great refreshing to our soul… a refreshing that gives us a taste of the community we will have in heaven.

It is my prayer that I never take for granted the friends I have, and that I remain ever thankful to God for the moments where he gives us a taste of his glory. This week I tasted God’s glory through friendship, and I am thankful beyond words. The best words I can say is that my soul smiles because of the great friends God has placed in my life.

To all who have walked a season of life with me, or who are currently walking with me, I thank God for you. Thank you for being my friend.

Slippers on My Feet

At what age do moms stop dressing their children?

The last time I can remember my mom picking out a full outfit was in second grade. It was a yellow shirt (probably from JC Penny) and some stonewashed jean shorts.

I hated jean shorts because they weren’t comfortable. That is one trend I hope never comes back! The corduroys can come and go; heck, even bellbottoms can make a comeback, but I want jean shorts to stay away!

In 1992 I moved from Omaha, Nebraska to San Antonio, Texas. I went from the north were coke was “pop” and entered the republic of…

My elementary school had a bicycle rodeo! How stereotypical. But it was awesome! I loved riding bikes as a kid, and this was an opportunity to show off my skills.

In 4th grade the bicycle rodeo came around. It was my second rodeo and I had full intentions of winning this bad boy. But there was one thing that might hold me back… jean shorts! I hated those things, but my mom would still lay them out for me to wear. I think she had faith that I wouldn’t mess up picking out a shirt, but she wanted to have control over what pants I wore… I guess she knew too well that if she let me pick them out I would do just as I did.

She left for work about an hour before I took off to school on my bike. Once she was clear out of site I took the jean shorts, threw them in my closet and pulled out my Umbros. I don’t even know if that brand is still around, but they were comfortable light weight shorts for playing soccer or something.

Flannel was also in at the time. I liked the flannel shirt. So I was rocking some black athletic shorts with neon writing that read “umbro” with a red and black flannel shirt. I had no style. I dressed only for comfort.

I didn’t win the rodeo, but I did place! And it was probably due to my complete comfort while riding my bike.

I miss the days when comfort had the ability to override style.

Here’s the thing though, we still love to be comfortable. It may only be in the comfort of our own home with the blinds pulled shut… but there is nothing like a good pair of sweat pants with a ratted out old holey shirt that is considered inappropriate for public, and don’t forget to throw in the house slippers!

However, we must not let our faith become something that is out of style… something that we only show in the comfort of our own home when no one can see.

I have recently been reflecting on how uncomfortable our faith can be. Just the other day I was at a coffee shop and I felt the urge to go witness to a table of high school guys. I was busy studying, but every time I looked up to gather a thought I would see them and think I should go strike up a conversation.

But honestly that would have been uncomfortable. I kept thinking, “Well they look like good guys, I bet they go to a church down the street…” or “I would, but I don’t want to interrupt their conversation… it looks like it’s going pretty well.” The fact is that it would have been uncomfortable. How horrible is that?! I am a youth minister and I found myself making excuses not to witness.

Witnessing is uncomfortable almost ALL the time… but I think this is almost by design. Then we have to recognize that it is only by God’s power that we can fully proclaim His good news.

Then last Sunday during worship I noticed someone lift their hands, only to quickly put them down after every head and eye turned to see if they had a question or something. People are uncomfortable worshiping as the Spirit might lead them because it might seem out of the norm.

We become disgusted with the demoralization of society but then we are scared to influence it for the sake of comfort.

If we don’t break these walls and break out of the norm then we will continue to lose ground with our Christian influence and we will continue to have dull worship.

What are some areas of comfort you believe are holding back Christians?

It is my prayer and hope that these walls of comfort would continue to break down in my life and in the lives of others. Please join me in this destruction, and let’s see what lies on the other side. I’m willing to bet it is very beautiful and worthwhile!

We Will Give You 3 Months Pay as You Look for a New Job

Today I went to the gym to get a lift in before I started the rest of my Saturday festivities. I did all the lifting I planned on doing, but my last set made me a little light headed. I had planned on jogging home, but instead I decided to take my time and walk. I still had my headphones in and caught myself in this moment where I felt like I could be in the video of the song playing if it had a video.

I was listening to Sigur Ros who I have just recently been turned on to (great music). I was walking by a chain link fence that surrounded what used to be a tennis court. There were some weeds that had grown up in the grass area that separated the sidewalk from the fence, and the wind had caught them just right as they swayed to the rhythm of the song. I couldn’t help but wonder if a camera could capture what my eyes were taking in as this song softly played in my ears.

Music is simply inspirational. I love music, and I realize its power to tug on heart strings. I’m sure that with the right construction of worship songs in a service you could appeal to anyone’s emotions and create for them an amazing worship experience; but we must be extremely cautious with these types of inspirations.

Please don’t hear me wrong, I believe God delights in well composed and well played music; I believe God works through people’s speaking talents and their abilities to paint amazing pictures in our imaginations; but we can’t get caught up in trying to create a worship experience.

I recently reread a book called “Amusing Ourselves to Death,” where the author walks through the negative affects Sesame Street had on education. Learning became fun and kids began to like school… as long as school was like Sesame Street.

I think the same goes for church. We can make church fun and set out not to bore students, but we must be extremely careful with the environments we create. Sure students might begin to love church if they have drama, games, buildup worship songs, great public speakers, and buildings designed to cater directly to them… but what happens when they leave the youth group? What happens when they love church as long as church is like youth group?

I feel like we're constantly battling people who want us to try this model of ministry or that model of ministry. We are constantly dealing with people in the church who want us to do more gimmicks to get students in the doors. We are constantly dealing with these people getting inside our heads as we evaluate “success” on their terms.

What would happen if a student ministry running 50 students scrapped all of its activities and dropped down to 12 students? What would happen if the youth minister was only able to deeply invest in three of these students? What would happen if all they did was go throughout their town and teach the gospel and minister to people’s needs?

To the consumer driven society, which influences the church, that sees a business not turning a profit and recognize it as a dying business they would probably see this ministry as a dying ministry. To those who run a pumped up Wednesday night program for the sake of “getting them in the door,” they would probably see this ministry as unsuccessful. To the church that is more concerned with Sunday school attendance than the actual material being taught this ministry would be seen as digressing.

Would this youth minister keep his job very long?

What is more important, doing ministry to please the eyes and ears of the masses or doing ministry to glorify Christ? That answer is easy, to glorify Christ; but what does a ministry set out to glorify Christ look like? Does it look like its dying in the eyes of the consumers, or does it look like its exploding? Does it dwindle down to nothing before shaking up everything?

We can inspire students through all sorts of things, and any cult can pack out a room; but what should youth ministry look like? Should we be creating an atmosphere that makes church fun and set students up to leave the church when church no longer appeals to their emotional needs? Or do we set out to build disciples through Christ-centered teaching that historically won’t appeal to the masses?

If Jesus were a youth minister how would the consumer driven society that has its hands in the inner workings of the church evaluate his ministry? Successful or unsuccessful? If Jesus were a youth minister in your town which church would have the greatest numbers?

Would Jesus keep his job at the average church?

If you’re still reading I might need to apologize… I really don’t even know where I am going with this… I just needed to get some things off my chest; but if this has spurred any thoughts in your mind please leave a comment and let me know.

Perfect Messiness

I recently came up to Kentucky to take two j-term classes at Southern. I forgot how much I loved this place. Louisville, Kentucky is by far one of the coolest places I have lived, and I’ve lived quite a few places. It has a real unique flavor to it.

For lunch today I hit up one of my favorite Louisville Originals, El Mundo. It’s this awesome Mexican place that could hold its own even in the streets of San Antonio, Texas. I ordered the lunch combo, took a seat, and admired the unique atmosphere as I awaited my tasty meal. They called out my name, and as I picked up my plate the cook made sure to mention, “Be careful, the plate’s very hot.” Which of course, drew my attention even more so the food that would soon be in my belly.

Taking the plate in one hand, I swung by the counter that held the silverware and I grabbed a fork, knife, and napkin, and made my way back to my table. I sat down, took a deep breath, and I caught myself in this paused moment… realizing and admiring the perfect messiness of my plate.

There was a carne asada filled burrito nestled right next to a cheese enchilada, both covered in enchilada sauce with melted cheese. This was complemented by a mound of black beans and Spanish rice, with a little scoop of diced tomatoes mixed with cilantro. The whole plate seemed unified by a layer of sprinkled cheese scattered across the plate with a light line of sour cream curving from side to side to complete the aesthetic appeal. Is your mouth watering?! Because it should be!

This plate was completely messy, but completely perfect, all at the same time.

I can’t help but reflect on the messiness of the church. As a minister it is so easy to get caught up in the programmatic nature of the church. We have a stinkin program for EVERYTHING… and this inevitably leads pastors to evaluating their success, or their effectiveness, by the smoothness of these programs playing themselves out.

We fall into this pit of thinking church has to be pretty, as if God could only move in a church that has clear cut lines. In this model church becomes an event that has to be well planned. While I am definitely a proponent of a church service being well planned and having a natural flow to the service, I am adamantly against a church service that might as well invite you to sit back and grab a popcorn and coke as you prepare to be entertained on the level of a downscaled U2 concert.

We cannot be so caught up with having all of our ducks in a row that we miss doing effective ministry.

Christ does not beautify the church by making it neat and pretty. He does not beautify the church by only inviting those from cookie cutter homes to join the festivities. He makes the church beautiful by showing his amazing grace and mercy to a completely undeserving people.
He unites Jews and Gentiles, Blacks and Whites, Hispanics and Asians… he unites intact homes with broken homes… he unites preppy people with biker people, tatted up people with white collar people, hip hoppers with punk rockers, and the list could go on and on. He takes the messiest, most undeserving people, and makes them complete. This is what makes the church beautiful.

Will you join me in celebrating the perfect messiness of the church?

Maybe if we celebrate this then we will be more effective in reaching the poor and broken hearted, the orphans and the widows, the absentee fathers and the drug addicted mothers, the homosexuals and the hookers… maybe if we celebrate this, then we can start making progress in doing our part in bringing God’s kingdom, for His glory.

Let’s stop getting so caught up in the wrong things, and let’s join together in worshiping Christ as a unified group of jacked up messy people. Maybe the worship won’t have an amazing entertainment factor to it… But, hey, I would rather worship with people who are spiritually poor, broken hearted, understanding of mercy, and hungering to know God more over a well polished group of modern day Pharisees any day of the week!

Thank God for his perfect messiness.

Lincon's Hat

What would you say if I rolled a golden cow in front of a mirror and the reflection was you?

“In god we trust”

I was praying this morning and really started thinking about that statement. I started thinking about all the views there are of God. I have recently come into contact with a few Mormon’s and some Jehovah Witnesses who both claim to have a proper understanding of the God of the Bible. Then there are Muslim’s and numerous other monotheistic religions out there that would all claim they know God.

What do we do with this? Do we side with the relativist who says these all hold bits and pieces of the truth, but none can know what is absolutely true? By no means!

That is another discussion in and of itself. Here is the main concern in my contemplation, how many people in America claim to know the same God I claim to know, but have a totally different view of who he is? Where are these views formed?

You often hear people say, “Well, my God would never…” Then you look at instances in the Bible where God does just what they said their God would not do.

Here’s the problem… People have created a god in their image, and made him out to be who they want him to be. He would not create someone a homosexual and then say that being homosexuality is wrong. He would not send someone who did more good than bad to hell. He only sends the Hitlers and child molesters to hell. Everyone else gets in on the “You did your best” card. The list could go on, but I’m sure you get the gist of where I’m coming from.
So many people trust in a god that has not been revealed to us through scripture, so many people believe in a god that doesn’t exist… and to be completely honest, THIS IS PURE IDOLATRY.

People are trusting in, and serving, and worshiping an idol.

Let’s be honest here… if our God can be defined by us then he is not worthy of our praise.
God must be defined by something that transcends us, His holy and revealed Word. We are the finite trying to understand the infinite. So what we have of his revelation is more than enough to lead us to a basic understanding of him and a saving knowledge of him, but it is not something we can fully wrap our minds around.

God cannot and will not fit into a box that we’ve created.

Please do not form an idea of who God is without scripture at hand. If you do this then you will create a god in your image. What a manipulative trick Satan has used. Sure, a golden cow would be easy to spot and destroy; but we’re not looking at a cow… we’re looking in a mirror.

In what God do you trust?

From Finger Tip to Finger Tip is the Same Length as Your Height

A simple question was asked to me the other night. This simple question had a simple, yet complex answer. One of my students asked me, “Do you cry?” The simple answer was, “no,” but the reason to the “no” is very complex.

I do not think it is more “manly” to not cry, and I even think a good cry can be healthy. However, for me, I can count on one hand the number of times I can remember crying.

The only answer I could give him as to why I do not cry is that I have become numb to most things in life. Being my friend can be a very frustrating thing because I tend to keep people at an arm’s length. This is not healthy, but it is something that I began to do from a very young age.

My dad was in the air force, and that caused us to move quite a bit. I never wanted to become too close with anyone because I knew when I moved again it would be emotional and sad. My parents were always perplexed at how well I took the moves, but the reality was I did not become close with anyone in order to make the moves easier.

It is a very scary thing to open your heart up to someone. This makes you vulnerable to heart break. Let’s face it, sometimes you have very dark areas that you do not want people to know about, because you fear that if they knew about them they would run.

I guess to put it simply, letting someone know your heart is a great risk, and it is much easier to keep people at an arm’s length.

I fear that so many of us have kept God at an arm’s length. We sit in church services and attend Bible studies week in and week out, but we experience little transformation in our lives. It is almost as if we fear letting God truly take hold of our hearts.

God does not delight in the petty “sacrifices” we make for him. At least in the Old Testament they had to get their hands dirty. But in reality, our hearts are in the same place as those in the Old Testament. We feel that if we make some sacrifice of our time to attend church, or a sacrifice of our time to lead a Bible study, or if we sacrifice the “fun” of doing worldly things, that God is somehow delighting in our actions.

It is almost as if we give God this, this, and this, then we can justify keeping this, this, and this (fill in the blanks). We keep GOD at an arm’s length because we know if he takes hold of our hearts we will have to undergo some major surgery, bones will have to be broken, cuts will have to be made, cancers will have to be removed, and ultimately it is going to really hurt before it gets better. So we keep him at a distance and offer him crappy sacrifices while we go through the motions and deceive ourselves into thinking we are just fine.

Christianity has become vain repetition to us.

The imagery of a deer desperately panting for water, knowing that a quench of its thirst truly means life or death, and comparing that to the way we should thirst for God, seldom sets of an alarm in our heads. We do not thirst for God as we should, and it is because we have become numb to him.

When we run from God it will feel like freedom at first, but in the end, we will end up enslaved to something that is beyond our own will power to return from. God is most distant when he does nothing to discipline us in our sin, and this is a very, very, very dangerous place to be.

So here I am evaluating many aspects of my life and finding areas where I am attempting to keep God at an arm’s length. And here I am trembling as a pray an extremely scary prayer… “God capture my heart, lead me to repentance, and discipline me in the areas that I do not want to give up.”

I pray for all of us that God would not be distant, and that he would take action where actions needs to take place so we can escape enslavement and live in his freedom.

If you can pray this with ease, please do not pray it. Take the time to evaluate your heart and understand your condition before God. Know that the perfection God requires has been provided in Christ, and that nothing you can do can make you right before him. But also know that God does not take this lukewarm junk of keeping him at an arm’s length.

Give God your all, for her deserves so much more.

A Moment of Transparency

There was a time in life when I was really good at hiding things. I could be in the darkest place spiritually, but on the outside everything would look great. I would write songs that would be crying for help, but I guess no one actually listened to the lyrics, because looking back on them, I was desperate.

Thankfully I have had a few close friends in life that I have been completely transparent with, and these guys truly know me. I’ve written before on the importance of community (see “From Coke to Coffee”) and these are the men in my life that have walked step by step with me.

However, now I am far from all of these friends. I am living in Georgia by myself. My family is all in Texas, and my closest friends are in Texas and Kentucky. I do have my pastor who is a good friend, but do to the nature of our work relationship we just don’t talk about certain things.

Here I am being open and honest. This isn’t a blog that is a cry for help, or a cry for sympathy… it is just me trying to be transparent and human. I don’t want to fool the world. I don’t want to fool those around me. I want people to know my heart.

Here’s my heart on my sleeve…

I’m extremely discouraged right now. I feel like I’m failing at “ministry.” I want to give up on my “philosophy of ministry” and pursue something with immediate success. I’m wrestling with whether or not I am doing an injustice to the church by not appealing to the emotions and senses of this youth generation to” get them in the door.”

This youth ministry started out with a boost in numbers, which, even though I said was not my concern, was actually really encouraging to both the church and me. Then some of my youth started asking great questions about the Bible and this was also encouraging. But now the numbers are on the decline and the questions have ceased.

Am I fooling myself into thinking that my youth are growing spiritually? Is spiritual growth a false security to make me at ease with the numbers declining?

What about my friends’ youth ministries that are exploding? Are they seeking after God more than me? Maybe that’s why God is honoring their youth ministries? Is my own spiritual bankruptcy robbing the church of a better youth ministry?

I know that God can speak through the most incapable of people, and I know that God will lead people to a saving knowledge of him with or without us. But I also know that God honors those who honor him, and that he blesses our preparation.

What will happen when the church evaluates me? What tangible thing will they hold onto to decide whether or not I am doing my job? Will it be based on how effective of a trip planner I am? Will it be based on how many kids have been baptized? Will it be based on how much numerical growth the youth group has experienced? Will it be based on how much knowledge my youth have of the Bible? What will they use to evaluate how good of a job I am doing?

So what am I in this for? For the numbers? For the questions? For the number of kids getting baptized? Or for God’s glory? I pray that I would not take my focus off of God’s glory, but I battle with this on a daily basis.

I am honestly not looking for you to encourage me or tell me that things will be okay or to tell me that I’m doing a good job and to keep up the work. But I am asking for your prayers. Please pray for me and pray for my youth.

So if you’re one of the many that has asked me “are you doing okay?”, and I haven’t had a chance to actually have a deep conversation with you… then here’s the answer… no, I’m not doing okay. But I’ve been here before, and I’ll climb out again.